"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi
I can't recall the first time I heard this quote. I can't recall ever feeling like I could do anything to change the world. I can't even recall where the hell I put that freakin' juicer recipe book!
For some reason, this particular quote came to my mind first thing Monday morning. It felt, as though, I would need those words to get me through that day. Normally, I don't suffer from the 'Mondays.' It's just another day of work for me. But this Monday, I was feeling the worst case of the 'Mondays.' The weight of all my stresses came pouring down on my shoulders like wet sand. I could barely find the strength to stand. A chair wasn't even going to cut it. I needed a bed, a blanket, and to curl up into fetal position.
Be the change you wish to see in yourself.
I've been so focused on myself, my life and my dreams. No wonder I'm so stressed. I've been spending all my time trying to control everything. Even the things I have no power to control. The arrow has always pointed inward. Finally, about 20 minutes before my lunch break I came to the realization that I needed to change the way I was thinking. I needed to turn the arrow away from me and point it toward others. If I refocus my energy into helping others then it would surely lift my spirits. If I refocus my energy into helping others then my thoughts wouldn't be so crowded with feelings of discouragment, worry and fear.
Be the change you wish to see.
As Christians, we are told to seek help and guidance and answers in the bible. Everything we ever need is in that book. Well, here I am, a Christian, admitting that even though I'm struggling more than I ever have in my life, my eyes aren't glued to the words in the bible like I know they should be. I pray constantly but I know there is more to it. I can discipline myself to eating breakfast everyday but why can't I discipline myself to reading God's word everyday? I can discipline myself to brushing my teeth everyday but why can't I discipline myself to spend just a couple minutes in God's word everyday? I'm acting as though it's a hassle to just open the bible and start reading. I'm acting as though watching TV is more important than learning how God is working in my life.
I am asking for so many changes in my life this year. Some I have no control over but some I actually do.
Be the change.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Forever in Blue Jeans
Nothing like running into an old crush and getting all excited to possibly spark a connection finally then four brief seconds later, his new fiance walks around the corner. What a slap of reality right across your cheekbone! "Yeah girl, you're 26, you're single, you're social life sucks, you're dating life sucks (more like nonexistant), you work as a cashier in a department store AND you have awesome braces!" No surprise that immediately following work, I followed one glass of wine with another glass of wine. And that...was just Monday.
Tuesday evening included another two glasses of wine and an awkward yet overdue conversation with a certain someone. Without disclosing too much information to my audience, I was finally honest with myself and to that person. Although, admittedly, my indecisiveness caused some extreme frustration for both parties. What's it going to take to just make a decision and stick to it?! My head says one thing but my heart says another.
It's like that one favorite pair of jeans you had in high school. You wore the hell out of those jeans. They fit you so perfectly. Then one day, the crotch tears cause you've worn it so thin that it couldn't hold together anymore. But you still wear them just being careful not to bend over to show your peek-a-choo. You take them to college and continue to wear them but then while you're chasing down a pong ball, whoops, the crotch tear has now gone all the way up to the back pocket. Your head says it's time to get rid of them but your heart wants to hold on to them, somehow hoping they will miraculously mend themselves back together cause you can't bear to part with them forever. What's a girl to do? You've parted so easily with all the other flare bottom jeans and khaki pants in your life, why is it so hard to part with this one pair?
Such miniscule matters of life.
I needed some serious readjustment of my thoughts.
You need help putting things in perspective? Go to the middle of big field, lay on your back and just look up. You will soon realize just how truly small you are in this huge world. And all the petty worries you feel will just float up to the clouds. Best stress reliever has to be just getting in touch with God's world. Sit outside and just listen to the sounds He has created. Admire the work He has done around you. Believe that He will deliver you from the stresses in your life, like He always has.
Everyone is allowed days when you feel weak and broken and lonely and lost. As long as you realize the sun will shine tomorrow. The dark days won't last forever. There is a light shining at the end of this tunnel. (Wouldn't be right if i didn't conclude with a collection of cliches, right? But there is truth in each of them and you know it. Deal with it.)
Tuesday evening included another two glasses of wine and an awkward yet overdue conversation with a certain someone. Without disclosing too much information to my audience, I was finally honest with myself and to that person. Although, admittedly, my indecisiveness caused some extreme frustration for both parties. What's it going to take to just make a decision and stick to it?! My head says one thing but my heart says another.
It's like that one favorite pair of jeans you had in high school. You wore the hell out of those jeans. They fit you so perfectly. Then one day, the crotch tears cause you've worn it so thin that it couldn't hold together anymore. But you still wear them just being careful not to bend over to show your peek-a-choo. You take them to college and continue to wear them but then while you're chasing down a pong ball, whoops, the crotch tear has now gone all the way up to the back pocket. Your head says it's time to get rid of them but your heart wants to hold on to them, somehow hoping they will miraculously mend themselves back together cause you can't bear to part with them forever. What's a girl to do? You've parted so easily with all the other flare bottom jeans and khaki pants in your life, why is it so hard to part with this one pair?
Such miniscule matters of life.
I needed some serious readjustment of my thoughts.
You need help putting things in perspective? Go to the middle of big field, lay on your back and just look up. You will soon realize just how truly small you are in this huge world. And all the petty worries you feel will just float up to the clouds. Best stress reliever has to be just getting in touch with God's world. Sit outside and just listen to the sounds He has created. Admire the work He has done around you. Believe that He will deliver you from the stresses in your life, like He always has.
Everyone is allowed days when you feel weak and broken and lonely and lost. As long as you realize the sun will shine tomorrow. The dark days won't last forever. There is a light shining at the end of this tunnel. (Wouldn't be right if i didn't conclude with a collection of cliches, right? But there is truth in each of them and you know it. Deal with it.)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Play Time is Over
Finally, this year is over. 2011 was so full of ups and downs, I felt like I was walking through the canyons in northwest Oklahoma. Exhausting, to say the least. But I made it through, thank God. And I have complete faith that 2012 will bring something great for me!
We are 10 days into the new year and I already feel more motivated and excited for the next 12 months than I ever was in the last 12 months. I'm not big on making resolutions, much less, keeping them but this year is and will be different. I finally had one of those "Ah-ha" moments and decided that it's time for me to take control of my life. I'm 26 and (almost) completely independent. I need to get out of this rut I've been in for what seems like 5 years but really it's only been like 1 year. I've graduated college (twice) and need to get out in this big, bad world. Every month that passes that I stay in this town, I feel myself getting more and more sheltered. I need to challenge myself and stretch out my wings to see if I can fly.
In three days, I've sent out a total of 18 resumes to various design positions across the country. Although there are some positions I'm clearly not qualified for I still choose to send my resume simply because you never know. I just know there is someone out there that will take a chance on me. I don't know where but there is someone out there that will say, "I have a feeling about this girl, let's give her a shot. She may not be qualified or have much experience but let's just take a chance on her." And when that happens you best believe there will be praises to the Lord! Because it's the Lord that's in that person's head saying, "This is your girl." And it may take 6 months or a year or even two before I get that call back but I know it's going to happen. God WILL provide. He WILL bring me to something great and perfect. But only in His time. And every rejection letter is just a step closer in His plan. Discouragement will come but so will trust and faith and understanding and strength and patience.
2012 is the Year of Kenna! I can feel it. Can you feel it? Cause I can feel it. And it's awesome!
This marks the beginning of my journey in 2012. Resume sending will continue and prayer will continue and hopefully, before too long, I'll receive not a rejection letter but an acceptance letter. I'm not playing around anymore, people. It's time to make this dream a reality.
We are 10 days into the new year and I already feel more motivated and excited for the next 12 months than I ever was in the last 12 months. I'm not big on making resolutions, much less, keeping them but this year is and will be different. I finally had one of those "Ah-ha" moments and decided that it's time for me to take control of my life. I'm 26 and (almost) completely independent. I need to get out of this rut I've been in for what seems like 5 years but really it's only been like 1 year. I've graduated college (twice) and need to get out in this big, bad world. Every month that passes that I stay in this town, I feel myself getting more and more sheltered. I need to challenge myself and stretch out my wings to see if I can fly.
In three days, I've sent out a total of 18 resumes to various design positions across the country. Although there are some positions I'm clearly not qualified for I still choose to send my resume simply because you never know. I just know there is someone out there that will take a chance on me. I don't know where but there is someone out there that will say, "I have a feeling about this girl, let's give her a shot. She may not be qualified or have much experience but let's just take a chance on her." And when that happens you best believe there will be praises to the Lord! Because it's the Lord that's in that person's head saying, "This is your girl." And it may take 6 months or a year or even two before I get that call back but I know it's going to happen. God WILL provide. He WILL bring me to something great and perfect. But only in His time. And every rejection letter is just a step closer in His plan. Discouragement will come but so will trust and faith and understanding and strength and patience.
2012 is the Year of Kenna! I can feel it. Can you feel it? Cause I can feel it. And it's awesome!
This marks the beginning of my journey in 2012. Resume sending will continue and prayer will continue and hopefully, before too long, I'll receive not a rejection letter but an acceptance letter. I'm not playing around anymore, people. It's time to make this dream a reality.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Let's Ride
Since we last spoke, not a lot has changed in my world. Still at the same job, still the same weight, still wanting a change. Physically speaking, all is well. Emotionally speaking, however, is different. I've been rocked with a handful of big topics from an assortment of friends and my thoughts could not be more scattered right now. And to make it worse, I'm trying my hardest to make an underlying connection between all of these topics but it's just not coming together like I want it to. Might be a Scorpio thing. I doubt it though. But maybe it is. Hmm....Anyway, I guess I'm just going to have to break it all down individually and hope that while I type it out a central theme will reveal itself. Here we gooooo!!!!
So to start things off I'll go back to Monday. Nearing the end of my shit, I mean shift (sorry for that), my very good friend (whom also works there) came to my area to discuss some issues in her relationship. Without going into detail, the topic was infidelity. Being a victim of infidelity myself I could immediately relate to her feelings and anxieties. There is nothing worse than betrayal by a loved one. But this is what really has me worred about her...I'm fairly certain she has never experienced this kind of betrayal and she is like any other girl and worries and stresses and overanalyzes everything when it comes to relationships. So whether he did it or not and whether they stay together or not, the damage is done. She will now and forever question every man's loyalty and faithfulness from here on out. And that makes me so angry! This is not a slam on her and she can probably admit this herself but she is kind of a headcase when it comes to guys. And I don't blame her! They are hard to trust and hard to understand. So this shit that just hit the fan is only going to turn her into a bigger headcase and I feel terrible for her because it sucks! But girl, yeah I'm looking at you Accessories, everything is going to be fine! And don't forget you got a friend who lives 5 minutes away and is always stocked with a bottle of wine. Got it? :)
Moving on to Tuesday...I meet up with a friend whom I haven't seen in months (and she lives right up the road. Gah I'm a terrible friend) and she drops some bombs on me! Although we haven't talked all that much recently, it seemed that we both were struggling with the exact same issue and didn't even know it! As some of you may or may not have seen my Facebook status from a couple days ago, it read something like this: "It seems that all my friends are either coupling up or making babies. Guess I'll just keep getting more awesome by myself." It truly does feel that everyone around me is getting into new relationships, or getting married, or growing babies or already has babies. And once again, I'm not slamming those choices but it definitely makes me feel somewhat left out and more single than I've ever felt. I don't have a boyfriend, hell I don't even have a prospective boyfriend. And Lord knows you can't grow babies without a man (not that I want to do that, yikes!) But babies and boyfriends aren't even important to me right now. I simply want friends like me, single, fun and enjoy a few drinks. At 26, where and how the hell do you find new friends?! And I'm not trying to replace my old friends but like any friendship sometimes life gets in the way and distance comes between you.
So here I sit, pondering about how I'm going to meet new friends. My best friend was going through the same problem a few months ago but then she got a boyfriend and met all new friends through him. Does that mean if I don't have a boyfriend then I won't get any new friends? Is that the key, a boyfriend? Ugh, why does everything have to revolve around men? Ok, not everything does but a lot. This is a real tricky shituation I'm in and I'm utterly perplexed. (Ya like that, Juice?)
But back to my friend on Tuesday. She is struggling with the same thing. Unhappy with her social life, or lack thereof, and wonders why she doesn't have that core group of friends that she can always go to for anything. As we were strolling the aisles of Dollar Tree, we began questioning why we had been feeling so lonely and loser-like. Her questions were very deep and honestly, I had no answer for them and probably never will. Questions like, "Do I not have that core group of friends because I've pushed people away so much? And sometimes it's subconsciously that I push them away but I'll be close to them for a couple weeks then it just fades away, why is that?" And she also tried to relate it back to a negative childhood experience. I mean, she was really digging deep for answers but I just couldn't deliver and neither could she. I was blaming my loneliness and nonsocial life on the Youngest Child Syndrome. I feel that I should be receiving the invites from everyone else, not inviting myself out. I want the attention to be given to me, I don't want to ask for it. But I'm such a contradiction sometimes because when I do get an invite to go out and do something, I turn it down! I blame it on a early shift at work. So this is partly my own doing. I want the attention but when I get it, I throw it right back out. I'm just not sure how to proceed with this issue....once again, I'm utterly perplexed.
Now we have made it to Wednesday (which is today). My friend tells me that her boyfriend is planning to move to her city by next summer so they can be closer. Of course we discuss the topic of living together and playing house before marriage. She says that it won't happen but if I were to bet on it...I might have some extra cash by next summer. :) But regardless, I will always be supportive of any decision she makes. Cause that's what friends do. So as we are talking about her relationship, the only thoughts running through my mind are, "Don't say anything that might question her love for him. Just cause you're single and lonely, doesn't mean you should try to bring her down too. Be a friend, be supportive, be patient." It's really hard when your best friend has everything going for her and everything is falling into place for her but not you. You're still stuck in this rut. It's not jealousy. It's not bitterness or anger. It's just frustration. And I wouldn't change anything about her life right now cause she deserves all of the happiness in the world! It's just a reality check for me and the laundry list of things that I don't have right now. Gah, just as I reread that I realize that was such a pessimistic thing to say. "What I don't have" *bitch slap* (Here comes the pep talk) It's not about what I don't have in life, it's about what I DO have. The best family and friends I could ever ask for!
Now, did I come up with an underlying connection between all 3 stories? No. But I did write a pretty long post which is better than the last one! What an eventful 3 days, eh? But life moves on and it's not about the circumstances your dealt, it's about the attitude you have during those circumstances. Life is what you make it. Is there such a thing as an emotional spaz? Cause I think I am one. I'm a rollercoaster of emotions sometimes and I can tear myself down and build myself back up all during one blog post. Awesome. With that said, the ride is over folks. Time to get off.
(Maybe I should think about formatting this thing? Ya know, changing up the fonts for visual interest. Thoughts?)
P.S.
Oklahoma Girl, this should answer your question of what's going on with me. Can you imagine me texting all this? Hope you understand. Muah!
So to start things off I'll go back to Monday. Nearing the end of my shit, I mean shift (sorry for that), my very good friend (whom also works there) came to my area to discuss some issues in her relationship. Without going into detail, the topic was infidelity. Being a victim of infidelity myself I could immediately relate to her feelings and anxieties. There is nothing worse than betrayal by a loved one. But this is what really has me worred about her...I'm fairly certain she has never experienced this kind of betrayal and she is like any other girl and worries and stresses and overanalyzes everything when it comes to relationships. So whether he did it or not and whether they stay together or not, the damage is done. She will now and forever question every man's loyalty and faithfulness from here on out. And that makes me so angry! This is not a slam on her and she can probably admit this herself but she is kind of a headcase when it comes to guys. And I don't blame her! They are hard to trust and hard to understand. So this shit that just hit the fan is only going to turn her into a bigger headcase and I feel terrible for her because it sucks! But girl, yeah I'm looking at you Accessories, everything is going to be fine! And don't forget you got a friend who lives 5 minutes away and is always stocked with a bottle of wine. Got it? :)
Moving on to Tuesday...I meet up with a friend whom I haven't seen in months (and she lives right up the road. Gah I'm a terrible friend) and she drops some bombs on me! Although we haven't talked all that much recently, it seemed that we both were struggling with the exact same issue and didn't even know it! As some of you may or may not have seen my Facebook status from a couple days ago, it read something like this: "It seems that all my friends are either coupling up or making babies. Guess I'll just keep getting more awesome by myself." It truly does feel that everyone around me is getting into new relationships, or getting married, or growing babies or already has babies. And once again, I'm not slamming those choices but it definitely makes me feel somewhat left out and more single than I've ever felt. I don't have a boyfriend, hell I don't even have a prospective boyfriend. And Lord knows you can't grow babies without a man (not that I want to do that, yikes!) But babies and boyfriends aren't even important to me right now. I simply want friends like me, single, fun and enjoy a few drinks. At 26, where and how the hell do you find new friends?! And I'm not trying to replace my old friends but like any friendship sometimes life gets in the way and distance comes between you.
So here I sit, pondering about how I'm going to meet new friends. My best friend was going through the same problem a few months ago but then she got a boyfriend and met all new friends through him. Does that mean if I don't have a boyfriend then I won't get any new friends? Is that the key, a boyfriend? Ugh, why does everything have to revolve around men? Ok, not everything does but a lot. This is a real tricky shituation I'm in and I'm utterly perplexed. (Ya like that, Juice?)
But back to my friend on Tuesday. She is struggling with the same thing. Unhappy with her social life, or lack thereof, and wonders why she doesn't have that core group of friends that she can always go to for anything. As we were strolling the aisles of Dollar Tree, we began questioning why we had been feeling so lonely and loser-like. Her questions were very deep and honestly, I had no answer for them and probably never will. Questions like, "Do I not have that core group of friends because I've pushed people away so much? And sometimes it's subconsciously that I push them away but I'll be close to them for a couple weeks then it just fades away, why is that?" And she also tried to relate it back to a negative childhood experience. I mean, she was really digging deep for answers but I just couldn't deliver and neither could she. I was blaming my loneliness and nonsocial life on the Youngest Child Syndrome. I feel that I should be receiving the invites from everyone else, not inviting myself out. I want the attention to be given to me, I don't want to ask for it. But I'm such a contradiction sometimes because when I do get an invite to go out and do something, I turn it down! I blame it on a early shift at work. So this is partly my own doing. I want the attention but when I get it, I throw it right back out. I'm just not sure how to proceed with this issue....once again, I'm utterly perplexed.
Now we have made it to Wednesday (which is today). My friend tells me that her boyfriend is planning to move to her city by next summer so they can be closer. Of course we discuss the topic of living together and playing house before marriage. She says that it won't happen but if I were to bet on it...I might have some extra cash by next summer. :) But regardless, I will always be supportive of any decision she makes. Cause that's what friends do. So as we are talking about her relationship, the only thoughts running through my mind are, "Don't say anything that might question her love for him. Just cause you're single and lonely, doesn't mean you should try to bring her down too. Be a friend, be supportive, be patient." It's really hard when your best friend has everything going for her and everything is falling into place for her but not you. You're still stuck in this rut. It's not jealousy. It's not bitterness or anger. It's just frustration. And I wouldn't change anything about her life right now cause she deserves all of the happiness in the world! It's just a reality check for me and the laundry list of things that I don't have right now. Gah, just as I reread that I realize that was such a pessimistic thing to say. "What I don't have" *bitch slap* (Here comes the pep talk) It's not about what I don't have in life, it's about what I DO have. The best family and friends I could ever ask for!
Now, did I come up with an underlying connection between all 3 stories? No. But I did write a pretty long post which is better than the last one! What an eventful 3 days, eh? But life moves on and it's not about the circumstances your dealt, it's about the attitude you have during those circumstances. Life is what you make it. Is there such a thing as an emotional spaz? Cause I think I am one. I'm a rollercoaster of emotions sometimes and I can tear myself down and build myself back up all during one blog post. Awesome. With that said, the ride is over folks. Time to get off.
(Maybe I should think about formatting this thing? Ya know, changing up the fonts for visual interest. Thoughts?)
P.S.
Oklahoma Girl, this should answer your question of what's going on with me. Can you imagine me texting all this? Hope you understand. Muah!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I Won't Be Mad If You Don't Read This
Time to blog it out! Let's goooo!!!
Ok, so for some reason the past couple days my mind has been all over the place and not staying on one thought longer than 3 seconds before moving on to something else. Very spastic. For instance, I'm writing this blog with no central topic idea but yet I'm typing cause I know, eventually, something will formulate into a complete thought and you'll be the first to know it!
So thoughts running through my head just this morning: "Time was changed so the clock says 6:30 a.m. but really it's 7:30 and that's why you're waking up so just go back to sleep." Immediately followed by, "I really need to look for another job." On top of, "How am I going to hang my snowflakes if I can't reach the ceiling?" And, "Mom is so going to love the Christmas cards I made!" With a dose of, "Why am I rushing this whole growing up thing? I'm 26. There's no need to hurry." Also, "I think I need a rolling pin to make homemade biscuits. Damn. I don't have a rolling pin."
Can you see how my anxiety just zooms through the roof?! Too many thoughts for it being a lazy Sunday. And that was just the PG13 thoughts. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe I won't develop a central topic for this blog cause I'm sure as hell not sitting here for 3 hours racking my brain for a topic just to please my audience. Hayaright. But something has to change. The spastic behavior of my brain must cease cause it's only stressing me out even more than usual. Does anyone have any suggestions or helpful hints? Besides prescription drugs.
Alright, it's official. This is the shortest, full of nonsense blog I've written. Attention span has moved on to pancakes.
Ok, so for some reason the past couple days my mind has been all over the place and not staying on one thought longer than 3 seconds before moving on to something else. Very spastic. For instance, I'm writing this blog with no central topic idea but yet I'm typing cause I know, eventually, something will formulate into a complete thought and you'll be the first to know it!
So thoughts running through my head just this morning: "Time was changed so the clock says 6:30 a.m. but really it's 7:30 and that's why you're waking up so just go back to sleep." Immediately followed by, "I really need to look for another job." On top of, "How am I going to hang my snowflakes if I can't reach the ceiling?" And, "Mom is so going to love the Christmas cards I made!" With a dose of, "Why am I rushing this whole growing up thing? I'm 26. There's no need to hurry." Also, "I think I need a rolling pin to make homemade biscuits. Damn. I don't have a rolling pin."
Can you see how my anxiety just zooms through the roof?! Too many thoughts for it being a lazy Sunday. And that was just the PG13 thoughts. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe I won't develop a central topic for this blog cause I'm sure as hell not sitting here for 3 hours racking my brain for a topic just to please my audience. Hayaright. But something has to change. The spastic behavior of my brain must cease cause it's only stressing me out even more than usual. Does anyone have any suggestions or helpful hints? Besides prescription drugs.
Alright, it's official. This is the shortest, full of nonsense blog I've written. Attention span has moved on to pancakes.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Frosted Flakes or Lucky Charms?
I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy discovering things about them. I also enjoy allowing someone else to discover things about me. And how you discover things about people is by asking them questions. Questions like, "Where did you grow up?," "Do you have any siblings?," and my favorite, "What do you like to do for fun?"
What do you like to do for fun?
I was being sarcastic when I said it was my favorite question. Honestly, I hate answering that question. And here's why. I think there is a difference between doing something for fun and doing something you just enjoy. Here's an example: I like to lay in bed and read books. I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm having fun but I do enjoy it. What's really fun for me is hanging out with family and friends or physical activity like sports or concerts. So how are you supposed to answer that question? Do you tell them the things you do in your daily life that you enjoy or do you tell them the fun things you only get to do every once in a while? I might get to do one really fun thing once a month, whether it be a round of golf, having a dance party with my best friend, drinking beers with my sisters, or attending a concert with a group of friends. But my daily life really isn't that fun. Every day is pretty much the same. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, lounge on the couch and go get in bed and read a book before I fall asleep then do it all again the next day. You wanna know what life is really like at 25? There it is.
Some nights I question if I should be out doing something. I mean hell, I'm 25. I spend almost every night watching tv then going straight to bed...before midnight. Sometimes I feel like I should be going out to clubs every night or tearing up the town..wait, what am I saying..I live in Wichita, Kansas, there's not a whole lot of options. But what should typical 25 year olds be doing? I'm working a full-time job, searching for a new job to begin my career, I've already finished college (for now), and paying bills so at some point responsibility has to kick in. But I'm truly ok with my schedule...my sad, lame, same every day schedule.
So here I sit on a Tuesday evening, watching tv, blogging and yawning. Awesome. Gah, no wonder I'm single. I don't do anything! How am I supposed to find a boyfriend when I spend every night on this couch? (I jokingly say that my boyfriend is the tv or I have a hot date with my remote.) But then again, I've always said that I don't want to find a boyfriend at a bar. So where does that leave me? Hoping to magically meet a guy on the cereal aisle at the grocery store ooorrrr online dating. Double awesome.
Here's to hoping!! Tink Tink!
What do you like to do for fun?
I was being sarcastic when I said it was my favorite question. Honestly, I hate answering that question. And here's why. I think there is a difference between doing something for fun and doing something you just enjoy. Here's an example: I like to lay in bed and read books. I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm having fun but I do enjoy it. What's really fun for me is hanging out with family and friends or physical activity like sports or concerts. So how are you supposed to answer that question? Do you tell them the things you do in your daily life that you enjoy or do you tell them the fun things you only get to do every once in a while? I might get to do one really fun thing once a month, whether it be a round of golf, having a dance party with my best friend, drinking beers with my sisters, or attending a concert with a group of friends. But my daily life really isn't that fun. Every day is pretty much the same. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, lounge on the couch and go get in bed and read a book before I fall asleep then do it all again the next day. You wanna know what life is really like at 25? There it is.
Some nights I question if I should be out doing something. I mean hell, I'm 25. I spend almost every night watching tv then going straight to bed...before midnight. Sometimes I feel like I should be going out to clubs every night or tearing up the town..wait, what am I saying..I live in Wichita, Kansas, there's not a whole lot of options. But what should typical 25 year olds be doing? I'm working a full-time job, searching for a new job to begin my career, I've already finished college (for now), and paying bills so at some point responsibility has to kick in. But I'm truly ok with my schedule...my sad, lame, same every day schedule.
So here I sit on a Tuesday evening, watching tv, blogging and yawning. Awesome. Gah, no wonder I'm single. I don't do anything! How am I supposed to find a boyfriend when I spend every night on this couch? (I jokingly say that my boyfriend is the tv or I have a hot date with my remote.) But then again, I've always said that I don't want to find a boyfriend at a bar. So where does that leave me? Hoping to magically meet a guy on the cereal aisle at the grocery store ooorrrr online dating. Double awesome.
Here's to hoping!! Tink Tink!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I Need a Break, But I'd Rather Have a Breakthrough
**So much for blogging every week. It's been a month since my last post. Whoopsies. (Don't get it twisted though, life at 25 hasn't gotten any busier, just lazier.)**
As you may or may not know, Life at 25 is approaching a birthday this month. Yay! Along with the celebrations come some makeovers. Especially a makeover of this blog. And when I say 'makeover,' I really mean just a new title. I've been giving it a lot of thought (the 10 minute drive home this evening) but I couldn't quite select the correct verb/adjective/phrase so it's still in progress. Anyway, on to the real reason why you're here...
In the last 12 months, there have been ups and downs but relatively no drastic changes. I'm still single, I still have braces, I'm still chasing after my dream, and I'm still fitting into the same jeans. Can't really complain. However, I think the next 12 months might bring something else to the table. Have you ever had the feeling that something really good is about to happen to you? When you just know that you're on the verge of some big changes in your life? When you can just feel you're about to have a breakthrough and turn a corner to something greater? I have had some nights recently when I lay in bed and I have to tell myself, "You better enjoy these early nights to bed and this queen-size bed all to yourself cause you won't have many more of them, girl." Shoot, maybe that's just me fooling myself. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's something bigger. I like to believe that that's God putting those hints and thoughts in my mind. That's Him sending a warning down to me that says, "You better cuddle with that body pillow as much as you can cause it's about to be replaced with some hairy, bony, sharp-toenailed legs." But honestly, if I don't find love this next year, so what? What I really want to find this year is a damn design job. (And God, if you're reading this and I know you are...could you speed up the process a little bit. I'm just penting up all this creative energy and before too long, I'm gonna explode. Thanks.)
Like I said earlier, on my drive home this evening I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. But one stood out the most. I'm going to put it in question form and I challenge anyone and everyone who reads this to send me a Facebook message (Kenna Corley) with your response. Actually, it's going to be a couple questions. Here goes...
Are you just surviving or are you really living?
Are you still chasing your dreams or have you already achieved them or have you just plain given up on your dreams and settled for what the universe gave you?
I strongly encourage everyone to respond to me with answers to those questions. At 25, I feel like I'm approaching not only a birthday, but a fork in the road. Do I just want to survive or do I wanna really live?! The answer has to be obvious. For the last couple years, I've lived in fear. Fear of success. Fear of going after my dreams. I'm soooo over that. That's called lack of confidence and girl, I'm just too old for that now. But what I'm looking for is encouragement. Encouragement to keep fighting and chasing after those dreams. Whether it be success stories or stories of failure and your testimonies of how you got to where you are now and what advice you would give to a friend.
After reading this post, I felt like I needed to add just a little something more (I hope it all connects somehow). A very good friend of mine recently began blogging for the first time (I'm so proud of her ;)) and her title was "Surviving at 25." Her boyfriend had just been deployed once again. And before I had even read her first post, just knowing the title, I really thought she got it all wrong. Her attitude and outlook on her life right now was all wrong. "Surviving?! Girl, you're 25. You have everything going for you. What is there to be surviving?" But then I thought...I don't have a boyfriend, especially one that is deployed in a country across the world. There's no way I can relate to that. So the guilt kicked in. Then the compassion. Then I finally found a connecting thread between her struggles and my struggles. We are both just surviving. She hit the nail on the head. But instead of 'surviving,' I like to call it 'functioning.'
A recent message I heard at church was so perfectly written and directed for me that I could barely fight back the tears. The pastor had told a story of people that had to leave their home and go to Babylon. (Babylon at that time was the last place any believer wanted to be. Pretty much Hell.) But God had told the people to go anyway and that He would take care of them. He wouldn't tell them when He would take them out of Babylon, He just told them that He had good plans for them and they just need to function, basically to put one foot in front of the other and function.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
So as my friend stuggles with her boyfriend being across the world and I struggle with searching for a design job that I want so very badly, we must simply function and get through our days. God isn't saying to just sit around by the phone and wait for him to call and change your life. You still have to do what needs to be done. But just keep going, keep hanging in there, and keep a postive attitude. Because God has seen your future and my future and He has engineered it for good! And He will bring you to it! That's His promise.
As you may or may not know, Life at 25 is approaching a birthday this month. Yay! Along with the celebrations come some makeovers. Especially a makeover of this blog. And when I say 'makeover,' I really mean just a new title. I've been giving it a lot of thought (the 10 minute drive home this evening) but I couldn't quite select the correct verb/adjective/phrase so it's still in progress. Anyway, on to the real reason why you're here...
In the last 12 months, there have been ups and downs but relatively no drastic changes. I'm still single, I still have braces, I'm still chasing after my dream, and I'm still fitting into the same jeans. Can't really complain. However, I think the next 12 months might bring something else to the table. Have you ever had the feeling that something really good is about to happen to you? When you just know that you're on the verge of some big changes in your life? When you can just feel you're about to have a breakthrough and turn a corner to something greater? I have had some nights recently when I lay in bed and I have to tell myself, "You better enjoy these early nights to bed and this queen-size bed all to yourself cause you won't have many more of them, girl." Shoot, maybe that's just me fooling myself. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's something bigger. I like to believe that that's God putting those hints and thoughts in my mind. That's Him sending a warning down to me that says, "You better cuddle with that body pillow as much as you can cause it's about to be replaced with some hairy, bony, sharp-toenailed legs." But honestly, if I don't find love this next year, so what? What I really want to find this year is a damn design job. (And God, if you're reading this and I know you are...could you speed up the process a little bit. I'm just penting up all this creative energy and before too long, I'm gonna explode. Thanks.)
Like I said earlier, on my drive home this evening I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind. But one stood out the most. I'm going to put it in question form and I challenge anyone and everyone who reads this to send me a Facebook message (Kenna Corley) with your response. Actually, it's going to be a couple questions. Here goes...
Are you just surviving or are you really living?
Are you still chasing your dreams or have you already achieved them or have you just plain given up on your dreams and settled for what the universe gave you?
I strongly encourage everyone to respond to me with answers to those questions. At 25, I feel like I'm approaching not only a birthday, but a fork in the road. Do I just want to survive or do I wanna really live?! The answer has to be obvious. For the last couple years, I've lived in fear. Fear of success. Fear of going after my dreams. I'm soooo over that. That's called lack of confidence and girl, I'm just too old for that now. But what I'm looking for is encouragement. Encouragement to keep fighting and chasing after those dreams. Whether it be success stories or stories of failure and your testimonies of how you got to where you are now and what advice you would give to a friend.
After reading this post, I felt like I needed to add just a little something more (I hope it all connects somehow). A very good friend of mine recently began blogging for the first time (I'm so proud of her ;)) and her title was "Surviving at 25." Her boyfriend had just been deployed once again. And before I had even read her first post, just knowing the title, I really thought she got it all wrong. Her attitude and outlook on her life right now was all wrong. "Surviving?! Girl, you're 25. You have everything going for you. What is there to be surviving?" But then I thought...I don't have a boyfriend, especially one that is deployed in a country across the world. There's no way I can relate to that. So the guilt kicked in. Then the compassion. Then I finally found a connecting thread between her struggles and my struggles. We are both just surviving. She hit the nail on the head. But instead of 'surviving,' I like to call it 'functioning.'
A recent message I heard at church was so perfectly written and directed for me that I could barely fight back the tears. The pastor had told a story of people that had to leave their home and go to Babylon. (Babylon at that time was the last place any believer wanted to be. Pretty much Hell.) But God had told the people to go anyway and that He would take care of them. He wouldn't tell them when He would take them out of Babylon, He just told them that He had good plans for them and they just need to function, basically to put one foot in front of the other and function.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
So as my friend stuggles with her boyfriend being across the world and I struggle with searching for a design job that I want so very badly, we must simply function and get through our days. God isn't saying to just sit around by the phone and wait for him to call and change your life. You still have to do what needs to be done. But just keep going, keep hanging in there, and keep a postive attitude. Because God has seen your future and my future and He has engineered it for good! And He will bring you to it! That's His promise.
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