Wishful Thinking

I wish I wasn’t so forgiving.

I wish I wasn’t so optimistic.

I wish I didn’t care about the opinions of others.

I wish people could see you the way I see you.

I wish you could be the man I know you can be.

I wish you could be the man I want you to be.

To be the man I need you to be.

I wish there was something that annoyed me so badly about you that I couldn’t imagine spending my life with you.

I wish it wasn’t so easy to have fun with you.

I wish you weren’t so sweet.  

I wish my stomach wouldn’t jump when you touch me.

I wish I wasn’t so attached to you.

I wish I could just look in your eyes and that be enough.

I wish I knew the difference between loving you and loving the thought of you.

I wish that memory could be erased.

I wish all those years weren’t just a waste.

That those years weren’t heartbreak after heartbreak.

I wish I could trust you.

Trust that what you say is what you will actually do.

Trust that history won’t repeat itself.

I wish my thoughts wouldn’t be consumed by you.

I wish my head would agree with my heart.

I wish my family and friends could understand my heart.

I wish my head wasn’t so overpowering.

I wish when I meet someone new I don’t immediately compare them to you.

I wish distance would be the solution.

I wish I could let myself feel that way again.

I wish I didn’t have to flaunt our failed relationship in front of you every time we’re together.

I wish I wasn’t a constant reminder of what you screwed up.

Of what we could’ve been.

Of what we could be.

I wish I didn’t have to say no to you.

I wish I could look in your eyes and not see sadness.

Not see regret.

Not see disappointment.

I wish I could help you.

I wish you could truly move on.

And let me go.

I wish you would move mountains to be with me.

I wish you would find another me.

A better me.

I wish I could find another you.

A better you.

I wish you would let me find another you.

I wish I didn’t have to find another you.

 

 

 

 

Oh SHIFT!

It is such a turnoff to me when a guy doesn't use the SHIFT key.

its like he is so damn lazy to reach his little pinky over to use proper grammar punctuation or whatever its called. luckily he knows how to use the period key. that helps. a little. and on top of not using the shift key he wont spell out the word you but uses u instead. really?

Maybe I should've made myself a little more clear in my profile.

I don't date guys who don't use the SHIFT key.

(This also applies to text messages. I don't care if it's common text protocol or whatever to keep everything lower case and no punctuation, it makes you sound like an idiot.*)

*My mother is an exception. She is not an idiot and can text however she wants.

No smile, no chance

I'm going to make this post short and sweet.

If not one of your profile pictures has you smiling then you don't stand a chance with me. And most likely any woman. I can't speak for all women but do your research and you'll find we value a sense of humor in men. When all your posted pictures are close-mouthed, it tells me that you are either a stick in the mud or hiding a seriously jacked up set of teeth.

Either way, I'm out. NEXT!

Ballsy

Whoa. What a hiatus I’ve been on from this blog. Yowzas.

So clearly, I’m not 26 anymore. L

Turns out, I’m 28.

I’m also employed. (Finally. Thank God.)

But still single.

While I could ramble on about the last two years and how so much has happened I’m going to save you the time since most of you reading this lived through it with me. And I thank you tremendously for that.

Anyway, a new development is happening that I have yet to announce to anyone. And it’s a big one so bear down.

I recently made the decision to participate in online dating. Dun dun duuuunnnn.

Yup. It’s happening, folks.

It’s a debate in my head that has been brewing for years but I’ve never been in the financial situation to support such a luxury expense.  Until now. (Don’t for a second think I’m here rolling in the dough cause I’m far from it.)

I’m picking back up this blogging thing to entertain you with my online dating experience because it is sure to amuse the few readers who may come across it as it has done in the past. Like the one about my boobs. Ha. That was a good one.

So here we go!

I fully expect a sarcastic beat down from some of you about this decision but I like to think behind that sarcasm curtain you hold up is curiosity, timidity and fear. At least I’m strong enough to put myself out there with this. So feel free to live vicariously through me and maybe learn a thing or two, possibly about yourself.

Second Half Team

Hello, all! We are at month six of the Year of Kenna! I wish I was genuine about that exclamation point but let's face it, I'm still in a valley trying to get to the top of the mountain. However, there has been some uplifting occurances since my last post.

Ladies and gentlemen, you are reading the blog of Brace(LESS) Face!! That's right, no more brace face! To celebrate such a monumental day, I popped in my mouth one of the many restricted items you can't have with braces.

A giant gumball.

One step out of that doctor's office and I felt a shift in the universe. For the past two years, I had been waiting and waiting to get these braces off. As if life was at a stand still until my teeth were back to normal. I'd say, "Once I get these braces off, I'll be able to flirt with guys again." Or, "I'll pursue that job when I get these braces off so I will look more professional."

But, now there are no more excuses. Nothing to hide behind. And life can get back on course again. Life can start progressing and improving! I am confident good things will start happening. I'll come out the second half like the OKC Thunder, taking the lead and keeping it until the buzzer sounds! 

30 Things By The Time You're 30

Growing up, I wasn’t fond of reading books. I found other things to do with my time, like make mud pies in the back yard. But as I’ve gotten older and distanced myself from so many distractions (College. Enough said.), I’ve began to look forward to lounging on the couch and getting sucked into a good book. I wish I could say I read intelligent, educational, historical books but I can’t. Truth is I gravitate towards the inspirational genre. (Ok, I admit it! I read self-help books and most people would think that’s lame but I don’t care. I find enjoyment in it. At least I’m reading something!)

Recently, I was drawn to a new book that resonated with me in this uncertain time in my life.

It’s a list of the must-haves and must-knows for women turning thirty, remembering thirty, or looking forward to thirty. Each item on the list is expanded by essays written by some of the world’s most wise and wonderful women.

The List

Thirty has never been a fear of mine. Actually, I’m anxiously waiting to turn thirty. I like to believe that I’ll have my stuff figured out by then. If not, I will someday. Not to say that I’m trying to rush through life to get to thirty but it definitely is a milestone to look forward to. This book has many memorable quotes and stories that are relatable but I can’t help but think about a line Carrie said in the Sex and the City movie, “Enjoy yourself. That’s what your 20’s are for. Your 30’s are to learn the lessons. Your 40’s are to buy the drinks.” Believe me, the first half of my 20’s I enjoyed fully. The second half, let’s just say, has been a bit of an adjustment. But 30, I know is going to be a great decade for me. I will own my 30’s!

I highly recommend this book to any female over the age of 21. It’s a quick read but full of inspiration, wisdom and advice for all women.

“Thirty is when you stop the comparathon: the rat race that has you constantly looking over your shoulder to see how everyone else is doing at work/love/fitting into their skinny jeans. It’s tempting, after all, to see your twenties as your chance to make your mark. So you do your best, and you keep one eye on everyone else doing theirs…Life isn’t a contest—beauty, popularity, or otherwise. And there’s happiness to go around for all of us. Besides, at thirty, most of us start noticing that the most meaningful moments in life so far have happened when we weren’t trying so damn hard…We’re all on different time lines and need to realize life isn’t a race. So what if someone else gets promoted first? Or has flatter abs, or more mysteriously perfect hair. Gets pregnant first—or stays gloriously single longer? High-five her. That’s her race. Then walk on.”

Keep Calm & Carry On. (And Have a Drink. Or Two.)

Guess who’s back?! It has been yet another long stint with no updates mainly due to some significant changes in my life, just as I expected there to be this year.

Today is the last day of the fourth month of 2012. If anyone is counting, that leaves eight months to find a job in the design industry to jumpstart my career. April was a slow month on the job hunt side but very eventful in other sides of life. As my title indicates, 2012 is a year of changes. Let’s review the changes so far. I’ve sent out a total of 44 resumes across the country (with no avail), cut off all my hair, was a redhead for two months, quit my job, moved out of another apartment, was a victim of theft, bottom braces were removed and moved home with my parents. Dream come true, eh?

Although my circumstances these days aren’t ideal, it has been such a blessing to be able to spend so much time with my parents and be able to help them around the house. It has definitely helped to calm my nerves during this stressful time in my life. I’ve been able to put all my focus in my job hunt which has also been very beneficial. And I can’t complain about the home-cooking and happy hours!

I see the silver lining of it all every day.

But as each month comes and goes, the panic sets in even more. My motivation is still as strong as it was four months ago. The difference between January and April though is I’m actually seeing progress now. I’m marking things off my list faster than I would have had I stayed in Wichita with so many distractions. I just hope results come as fast. 

I wish I could reveal more but conclusions are still developing on certain subjects. Stay tuned!