Gone Fishin'

When I was growing up, I lived in a small, country town so I spent a lot of my childhood outdoors. My father was (and still is) a fisherman so we spent many summer nights out at the pond fishing and exploring the land. When I would throw a line out, more often than not, I would only catch the fish that weren't even worth saving. Which meant my dad spent a lot of time on my pole taking fish and moss off the hook (since then, I have overcome my fear of icky moss but I'm still apprehensive about sticking my fingers in the mouth of a fish, like they have teeth or something. Pft.) Regardless, my fish rarely made it on the hook to take home but my dad always filled the line with the best ones. (I never understood what qualifications the fish needed to have to get on the hook but I assume it has to do with size and appearance. I guess little girls catch little fish and big boys catch the big fish.) Never the less, the best fish made it on the hook.

Now it goes without saying, the fish don't stay on the hook long because if they're on the hook, then they're dinner later. Yum!

Now to the important stuff.

What about the guys (or girls) in our life that we put on the hook? Every girl has them, at least one, if not more. The bad boy, the makeout buddy, the "just friends" guy, or the ex. It's human nature, we crave love and attention and companionship. I know exactly why I have guys on the hook. Each "fish" has its own qualities that allow it to be put on the hook. But at the end of the night and you're packing up the boat and poles into the truck, you go back to the hook and assess your catches. You analyze them and justify why they made it on the hook but on the drive home, you begin to question if you really want, or better yet, really need them. So you make it home, unload everything and feel pretty good about your decision to keep the "fish" on the hook. But when it comes time to start preparing them for dinner, you take one last look at them and finally you realize they aren't the "fish" you want. So now you have to figure out how to "put them back."

Disclaimer: I realize that once the fish get all the way home, chances are they aren't going to make it back to the pond. But I'm trying to make a point here, bear with me.

I admit, I'm not very successful at taking "fish" off the hook. Although I am very good at putting them on the hook. So good, in fact, that the "fish" can tend to pile up and it can get really heavy. And I realize that's probably not the healthiest (mentally and emotionally) thing to do but it happens. I have a hard time letting go of anything. Boys, worn out pillows, clothes that don't fit but still love, birthday cards.

But when having "fish" on the hook, what's the best way to "put them back?"

Do you completely ignore and avoid them? (Then you risk burning a bridge. See, case in point, I struggle with letting go.)

Gradually quit communicating with them until they give up on you? (This is me still not being able to let go but I have had success with this technique.)

Nut up and tell them the truth? (Eek!)

No way sounds pleasant, on either end. But juggling so many "fish" can be just as unpleasant.

But as I sit here, I'm questioning the other side of the hook. If I have "fish" on my hook, does that mean that I'm a "fish" on their hook? Is it two-sided?

How do you know when you're on someone's hook?

My research on this topic led me to these conclusions:

1) Everything is at their convenience. Not yours. Dates, hookups, conversations...it's only when they want them.
2) If you change your plans to go see them or talk to them.
3) If you stop what you're doing, even when you're with family or friends, to go meet up with them or answer their call.
4) If they only want to talk or hang out when they're drunk.

After analyzing these conclusions, I determined that I have been on a hook or two. But it didn't last long. I realized that I was changing who I was for a person that didn't even respect me all that much.

After every breakup, one of the most common phrases used is, "there are plenty of fish in the sea." Yes, that is true. And there will be times when the "fish" seem scarce and times when there will be so many "fish" you won't even know what to do with them all. But the point is to just keep throwing that line back out there and say a little prayer that the next one will stay on the hook indefinitely.

Let's Do Lunch

Romantic comedies...can suck it!

That's right. I said it.

They have officially ruined my perception and understanding of love and relationships. Real life isn't like the movies. (Although it should be.) Sometimes there aren't "sparks" when you meet someone "special." Sometimes the first kiss isn't "fireworks." Does that make a person any less the person you are meant to be with forever?

I'm starting to think..no.

But do the "sparks" and "fireworks" come later?

I've always said and heard that the best relationships begin with a solid friendship. Great. I can do that. But when does the switch happen? When do you see them as friend one day and the next day you are in love with them? And what about the sexual attraction? Should that always be there from the beginning of the friendship or does it develop later too? When does the switch happen? Does it happen after the fourth date? Does it happen on a major holiday? Does it happen after you experience a trajedy together? Does it happen after an amazing concert? Does it happen over a lunch on a Tuesday? When does the switch happen?!

And what if the switch never comes? How long do you keep investing time and energy into a new friendship/relationship before you realize they aren't "The One?" Then how do you get out of it?! Yikes!

One of the worst things is to keep pursuing a relationship that just doesn't have the "It" factor. But what if its the kind of relationship that develops its magic later? You just don't know.

Everyone is different. Everyone's story is different. That's the beauty of it. You get your own, custom, personal, like-no-one-else story of your life. Why waste so much time and energy comparing your story to everyone else's? Or to the movies? Why waste so much time and energy trying to find all the answers right away? Life isn't meant to be lived with reservation and timidity . Life is supposed to be about taking leaps! Sometimes you'll fly, sometimes you'll land back on the ground and take off in another direction. Sometimes you won't take off at all. But at least you tried to take off.

Nobody knows what the future holds. We aren't meant to know. What a boring life that would be. But with all this confusion, curiosity, anxiety, frustration and the unknown of love and relationships, no matter what, I'll get my happy ending. Someday. But until then, I'll just enjoy my ride!

Disclaimer: I realize that the last quarter of this blog sounds like a fat, ugly cliche, but it's the truth. And it eases my mind so soak it in people!