I love grocery shopping. For real. Composing the menu, making the list, and going to the store, it just tickles me pink. It tickles me even pinker when I get to eat the food! So that's what I did today.
I'm approaching my move-out date and have determined to eat as much stuff that's still in my kitchen so I will have minimal waste. And I like to think that over the last 2 years I've accumulated some good, healthy staples in my kitchen that I should finish out with dignity. Therefore, my homework last night was to compose a menu using as much food in my pantry and freezer as possible without buying a bunch of new things. And I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of the work I did. Trying some new recipes and also making some of the classics. It's a shame I have to enjoy it alone. But then again, more for me. :) The only challenge is having an unpredicable schedule where I'm not guaranteed to have the time to cook what I want when I planned it. (Like I said in the previous post, I'm sort of a control freak so I plan...a lot. Which means when I was composing my menu, I also assigned the meals to certain nights. Mhmm..I know.) But nonetheless, I have 18 days to eat roughly seven organized dinner meals. Breakfast and lunch are a different story.
The Kansas weather surprised me today. We actually got a little bit of rain. Just enough to put dirty rain spots on my car. But it did cool down the temperature where it was bearable to be outside longer than 2 minutes so I wasn't about to complain about sprinkles on my hair. But the most wonderful surprise was stepping outside to see the most beautiful rainbow I've seen in a long time. The kind that you can see end to end and the colors are just so vivid and brilliant that it makes you stop in your tracks and just say "Thank You, Lord." Through all the rain that seems to keep falling on me at this time in my life, I know that the end will come and sun will shine again.
"Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.” Genesis 9:14
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Was That a Threat?
Today...was a good day. I actually made it to the gym today (even for only 45 minutes on the elliptical, it's exercise just the same). And to make it even better, I ate a salad for lunch. Yup, a salad. A salad that I WANTED to eat, not because it's something I should eat.
Today...was a good day. Despite the huge mess in my apartment from spending the afternoon packing, it's just a sign of progress and change. As I was sealing up my first box, I said a prayer. A prayer for help and guidance. Most people wouldn't think anything of taping up moving boxes but me, I'm too sentimental to just let the moment pass by without a thought. This may very well be the last time I have a residence to call my own in this town. But lucky for me, I've been here long enough to accumulate some really great friends that have offered (actually they sort of threatened me if I didn't agree to it) to let me stay on their couches temporarily just to postpone my departure. But the job hunt must continue. And the chances of me leaving this town seem to be growing and growing by the day. But it is what it is.
As a Christian, you are taught not to fear, especially not to fear the future. So as each morning comes, before the worry and anxiety set in, I have to remind myself that my life is in good hands and that He would never steer me wrong. I can admit that I may have some control issues but no matter how hard I try to plan or organize, ultimately, it's not up to me where I go or what I do or who comes in and out of my life. I don't even know why I would want that responsibility. Motto and prayer of the day (more like for this entire phase of my life right now): God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. --Reinhold Niebuhr
Today...was a good day. Despite the huge mess in my apartment from spending the afternoon packing, it's just a sign of progress and change. As I was sealing up my first box, I said a prayer. A prayer for help and guidance. Most people wouldn't think anything of taping up moving boxes but me, I'm too sentimental to just let the moment pass by without a thought. This may very well be the last time I have a residence to call my own in this town. But lucky for me, I've been here long enough to accumulate some really great friends that have offered (actually they sort of threatened me if I didn't agree to it) to let me stay on their couches temporarily just to postpone my departure. But the job hunt must continue. And the chances of me leaving this town seem to be growing and growing by the day. But it is what it is.
As a Christian, you are taught not to fear, especially not to fear the future. So as each morning comes, before the worry and anxiety set in, I have to remind myself that my life is in good hands and that He would never steer me wrong. I can admit that I may have some control issues but no matter how hard I try to plan or organize, ultimately, it's not up to me where I go or what I do or who comes in and out of my life. I don't even know why I would want that responsibility. Motto and prayer of the day (more like for this entire phase of my life right now): God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. --Reinhold Niebuhr
Sunday, July 10, 2011
P.S. I Love You
Life at 25 has just taken an interesting twist. In the last two months, I've been thrown more curveballs than I think I ever have. Let's rewind back to May 20...
On May 20, I attended my second college graduation. I received a degree in Interior Design which has been my dream since I was 14 years old. Now, getting to this point hasn't gone on the exact plan I had mapped out when I was graduating high school but, nonetheless, I made it. For now. May 21 was my niece's dance recital which I attend every year followed by a graduation/birthday party hosted by my oldest sister Jocelyn. My father, mother and both sisters birthdays fall in the month of May and June so we celebrate with one big party. (But Kalyn and I still receive gifts cause we are just that awesome.) On May 23, I went on a first date with a guy that has opened my eyes to new things and I've been smitten with him ever since. The month of June was pretty easy. Continued to work at my job, visit home a few times, went on more dates with the guy, enjoyed a week long vacation with my sisters and just had a good summer. But July...July hasn't been very nice. After my vacation, I came home to a phone call that said the place I work at is closing, which means I'm out of a job at the end of the month. It gets better. Turns out, my lease on my apartment was up in July which means, I'm out of a home at the end of the month. Jobless and homeless. What a dream come true.
So here we are, July 10, I spent half the day sleeping (just cause I could) and half the day packing my things up in boxes. And normally I enjoy packing but that's usually cause I know where I'm going when I have to leave. In this case, I don't have a clue where I'm going. I don't where I'll be in 30 days or 60 days or 6 months which means right now, I HATE packing.
I'm a great multi-tasker and I'm very efficient but these last few weeks I've only been able to focus on one thing at a time. 1)Moving out of my apartment. 2)Searching for a new job. 3)Where I'm going to be living at the end of the month. 4)Making time for family, friends, and this new guy. I'm finding it very difficult to balance all of those simultaneously because each one is very important which means I'm pretty much an emotional wreck right now and stressed beyond capacity. On top of that, I've lost motivation to do things I used to really enjoy, like exercising and reading and working on my faith. I just find myself lying on the floor staring at the ceiling like all the answers are going to come floating down through the sky to land in my hands. Or drinking...a lot, like the answers are in the bottom of a beer can.
I just want to know where I need to be going. What direction I need to look in. I feel like a lost puppy with no idea what to do next. If this isn't a test of faith, I don't know what is. Although the economy is bad right now, I believe in my heart that I'm supposed to be doing design work and I'm not going to settle for anything less. God wouldn't have put design in my heart way back when if He didn't want me to chase after it and succeed in it so I know for a fact that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I just don't know WHERE I'm supposed to be doing it. I feel I'm being pulled in two different directions. One string pulling me to stay close here and one string pulling me to go somewhere farther away. One better start pulling harder or I'm going to be stretched thin real quick.
I'm so thankful for my amazing family and friends who have been there for me through all of this and supported me and guided me and calmed me down. I know, no matter where I am, I will always have them to lean on. And after reading this post, I've realized this is no longer a blog, it's turned into a prayer. So God, here's my letter to You...write back soon please.
(Oh and Jocelyn, I totally just wrote this as the thoughts came to me. Didn't do any research or prewriting. :) Unless you count sleepless nights with too many thoughts running through my head research and prewriting. )
On May 20, I attended my second college graduation. I received a degree in Interior Design which has been my dream since I was 14 years old. Now, getting to this point hasn't gone on the exact plan I had mapped out when I was graduating high school but, nonetheless, I made it. For now. May 21 was my niece's dance recital which I attend every year followed by a graduation/birthday party hosted by my oldest sister Jocelyn. My father, mother and both sisters birthdays fall in the month of May and June so we celebrate with one big party. (But Kalyn and I still receive gifts cause we are just that awesome.) On May 23, I went on a first date with a guy that has opened my eyes to new things and I've been smitten with him ever since. The month of June was pretty easy. Continued to work at my job, visit home a few times, went on more dates with the guy, enjoyed a week long vacation with my sisters and just had a good summer. But July...July hasn't been very nice. After my vacation, I came home to a phone call that said the place I work at is closing, which means I'm out of a job at the end of the month. It gets better. Turns out, my lease on my apartment was up in July which means, I'm out of a home at the end of the month. Jobless and homeless. What a dream come true.
So here we are, July 10, I spent half the day sleeping (just cause I could) and half the day packing my things up in boxes. And normally I enjoy packing but that's usually cause I know where I'm going when I have to leave. In this case, I don't have a clue where I'm going. I don't where I'll be in 30 days or 60 days or 6 months which means right now, I HATE packing.
I'm a great multi-tasker and I'm very efficient but these last few weeks I've only been able to focus on one thing at a time. 1)Moving out of my apartment. 2)Searching for a new job. 3)Where I'm going to be living at the end of the month. 4)Making time for family, friends, and this new guy. I'm finding it very difficult to balance all of those simultaneously because each one is very important which means I'm pretty much an emotional wreck right now and stressed beyond capacity. On top of that, I've lost motivation to do things I used to really enjoy, like exercising and reading and working on my faith. I just find myself lying on the floor staring at the ceiling like all the answers are going to come floating down through the sky to land in my hands. Or drinking...a lot, like the answers are in the bottom of a beer can.
I just want to know where I need to be going. What direction I need to look in. I feel like a lost puppy with no idea what to do next. If this isn't a test of faith, I don't know what is. Although the economy is bad right now, I believe in my heart that I'm supposed to be doing design work and I'm not going to settle for anything less. God wouldn't have put design in my heart way back when if He didn't want me to chase after it and succeed in it so I know for a fact that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I just don't know WHERE I'm supposed to be doing it. I feel I'm being pulled in two different directions. One string pulling me to stay close here and one string pulling me to go somewhere farther away. One better start pulling harder or I'm going to be stretched thin real quick.
I'm so thankful for my amazing family and friends who have been there for me through all of this and supported me and guided me and calmed me down. I know, no matter where I am, I will always have them to lean on. And after reading this post, I've realized this is no longer a blog, it's turned into a prayer. So God, here's my letter to You...write back soon please.
(Oh and Jocelyn, I totally just wrote this as the thoughts came to me. Didn't do any research or prewriting. :) Unless you count sleepless nights with too many thoughts running through my head research and prewriting. )
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