Life at 25 has just taken an interesting twist. In the last two months, I've been thrown more curveballs than I think I ever have. Let's rewind back to May 20...
On May 20, I attended my second college graduation. I received a degree in Interior Design which has been my dream since I was 14 years old. Now, getting to this point hasn't gone on the exact plan I had mapped out when I was graduating high school but, nonetheless, I made it. For now. May 21 was my niece's dance recital which I attend every year followed by a graduation/birthday party hosted by my oldest sister Jocelyn. My father, mother and both sisters birthdays fall in the month of May and June so we celebrate with one big party. (But Kalyn and I still receive gifts cause we are just that awesome.) On May 23, I went on a first date with a guy that has opened my eyes to new things and I've been smitten with him ever since. The month of June was pretty easy. Continued to work at my job, visit home a few times, went on more dates with the guy, enjoyed a week long vacation with my sisters and just had a good summer. But July...July hasn't been very nice. After my vacation, I came home to a phone call that said the place I work at is closing, which means I'm out of a job at the end of the month. It gets better. Turns out, my lease on my apartment was up in July which means, I'm out of a home at the end of the month. Jobless and homeless. What a dream come true.
So here we are, July 10, I spent half the day sleeping (just cause I could) and half the day packing my things up in boxes. And normally I enjoy packing but that's usually cause I know where I'm going when I have to leave. In this case, I don't have a clue where I'm going. I don't where I'll be in 30 days or 60 days or 6 months which means right now, I HATE packing.
I'm a great multi-tasker and I'm very efficient but these last few weeks I've only been able to focus on one thing at a time. 1)Moving out of my apartment. 2)Searching for a new job. 3)Where I'm going to be living at the end of the month. 4)Making time for family, friends, and this new guy. I'm finding it very difficult to balance all of those simultaneously because each one is very important which means I'm pretty much an emotional wreck right now and stressed beyond capacity. On top of that, I've lost motivation to do things I used to really enjoy, like exercising and reading and working on my faith. I just find myself lying on the floor staring at the ceiling like all the answers are going to come floating down through the sky to land in my hands. Or drinking...a lot, like the answers are in the bottom of a beer can.
I just want to know where I need to be going. What direction I need to look in. I feel like a lost puppy with no idea what to do next. If this isn't a test of faith, I don't know what is. Although the economy is bad right now, I believe in my heart that I'm supposed to be doing design work and I'm not going to settle for anything less. God wouldn't have put design in my heart way back when if He didn't want me to chase after it and succeed in it so I know for a fact that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I just don't know WHERE I'm supposed to be doing it. I feel I'm being pulled in two different directions. One string pulling me to stay close here and one string pulling me to go somewhere farther away. One better start pulling harder or I'm going to be stretched thin real quick.
I'm so thankful for my amazing family and friends who have been there for me through all of this and supported me and guided me and calmed me down. I know, no matter where I am, I will always have them to lean on. And after reading this post, I've realized this is no longer a blog, it's turned into a prayer. So God, here's my letter to You...write back soon please.
(Oh and Jocelyn, I totally just wrote this as the thoughts came to me. Didn't do any research or prewriting. :) Unless you count sleepless nights with too many thoughts running through my head research and prewriting. )
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