You can't always get what you want. (Sometimes, you get something better!)

"You need to have a plan."

I went to lunch last week with some friends that I only get to see maybe once a month. And these friends aren't just any normal friends. 1. I met them at church. 2. They were our class leaders for a bible study that lasted about 6 months. I value their support and wisdom and could not ask for better role models to look up to. So as soon as we sat down for lunch, Matt, being the caring, inquisitive man that he is, started asking what I had been up to since I last saw them. I gave him a brief outline of all the changes that had been occurring in my life and he fired back the one question I couldn't answer, more so, the question I didn't want to answer, "What's your plan?"

Somewhere growing up, I developed the characteristic of a planner. I like to have a plan, I like to develop a plan, I like to know what everyone else's plan is, even if it doesn't concern me. It's almost like I'm a serial organizer, if you will.

Anyway, when Matt asked me this question I couldn't really formulate an answer. For once, I didn't have a plan. At that point, I was so emotionally unstable (and still am) that I'm simply taking it one day at a time and dealing with everything as it comes. And that's what I told him. "You need to have a plan. You need to set some goals and deadlines and stick to them." Yes, Matt, I understand that but this summer has beaten me down so badly that I'm just too tired to formulate a plan. That and I just don't know what needs to be done or what the plan needs to entail. But the observation I've made over the past couple days is this:

Why do we even make plans? Rarely, if ever, do they actually come to fruition the way you wanted them to originally. There is always something that comes up that changes it somehow.

I didn't plan to go to a private, Methodist college to play golf for 3 years. I didn't plan to move to Wichita. I didn't plan to go to a tech school to do interior design. I didn't plan to only work at a design firm for 6 months. I didn't plan to take yet another job that doesn't utilize my talents or education. I didn't plan on staying in the same apartment for 2 years, moving out, then going right back to where I was (but in a bigger space). I didn't plan any of this! So why should I make a plan for the next 5 years when Lord knows, I'm not going to be where I plan to be! It's almost as if by making a plan, especially a big plan, like a 5 year plan, I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. (Or the optimist in me says success!) And I'm not saying that I fear the future because I don't. I know God will direct me in the right way. So I guess that's where I come full circle in this debacle. This is where my faith strengthens! This is the time when I throw my hands up and just fall back trusting the Lord will catch me! I can plan, plan, plan, every step I wanna take or should take, but the truth is, that's not what is going to happen. You know what they say, "You want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans."

I like to think I know what I want and what's best for me. But honestly, I don't. So how can I logically formulate a plan to get where I THINK I wanna be? When what matters is the place I should be, which I won't know until I get there, and only by the wisdom of God will I be able to recognize that.

So here's my plan now: Instead of just "talking the talk" about trusting in the Lord's plan, I'm planning on "walking the walk" and whole-heartedly putting my complete trust in the Lord and His promises. (That should relieve some stress, eh?) Don't get it twisted though, this does not mean I'm going to become lazy and just wait for my future to come to me. You best believe I'm going to strive to achieve my goals! But it's the part of which direction to go that I leave up to the Lord and simply ask Him to point my shoulders in the right direction. In conclusion, here is some of my favorite verses:

Proverbs 16:9 "In their hearts human plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."

Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

Psalm 20:4 "May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed."

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to hard you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"