The other night I went to dinner at 'Margaritas' with some friends. This restaurant has the best margaritas I've ever tasted and that's probably the reason they named the restaurant 'Margaritas.' Anyway, on the weekend nights, they have a live band who does cover songs. After a song or two, people slowly started getting out on the dance floor. As I sat there watching these middle-aged men and women dancing, I couldn't stop grinning. A couple had caught my attention and wouldn't let go. I was mesmerized how much this particular guy was dancing! I mean, he was cutting a serious rug! Regardless if he was a good dancer or not, just the fact he went out on the dance floor with his girl was amazing! And I immediately thought, "I want that!"
Anybody that knows me, knows that I love to dance. I dance at home, I dance at school, I dance at work, I dance while shopping for groceries! I'm not afraid to bust a move when the mood strikes. (A song doesn't even have to be on for me to do a little shimmy-shake.) So it's safe to say that I don't care where I am or what I'm doing or what people think when the rhythm takes me over!
With this love of dancing, I began to wonder...how important is dancing in relationships?
Over the last 25 years, (OK, maybe just the last six) I've made some observations. There are four types of situations when it comes to dancing and guys:
1. You find a guy that is a great dancer who knows exactly what he's doing just the way you like it but you're not physically attracted to him.
2. You find a guy that you are physically attracted to but he doesn't have a lick of rhythm in his body.
3. You find a guy that you are physically attracted to and he says he's a good dancer and you've seen some small signs that he's a good dancer but he will not, at any costs, take you to the dance floor.
4. You find a guy that you are physically attracted to AND he's a good dancer AND he loves pulling you out on the dance floor to spin you around.
(The most appealing choice being 4, obviously. But that's very hard to find.)
I realize that dancing isn't that big of a deal to most girls, whether it be because they don't like to dance or simply can't dance at all. But for me, a guy that can dance is a total turn-on. It's fun, it's romantic, it's thoughtful...it's sexy! Dancing in public takes a lot of confidence and security in oneself, so seeing a guy that is comfortable and willing to dance says a lot more about him than just the fact that he has rhythm.
Now this next comment may rock some worlds so prepare yourself. Here is some high octane honesty coming at you. If the guy is into me and won't at least attempt to dance with me, when he knows how much I love it, then it is a borderline deal breaker. That's right! If he isn't willing to put his pride aside and swing me around the dance floor then I shouldn't be expected to sacrifice anything for him either. If you haven't figured it out yet, this isn't even about dancing at all. It's about doing things you normally don't like to do but doing them anyway for the person you care about because they like to do them. Whether it be dancing, or eating sushi, or watching scary movies, you learn to sacrifice for the ones you love because you want to make them happy. (Dancing just happens to be one of my factors.)
Through all of this, I've learned that maybe I am placing too high of a priority on dancing. It'd be a great bonus but it shouldn't be a complete deal breaker. I shouldn't blow off a guy just because he can't or doesn't want to dance. That would be like a guy blowing me off for being an OU fan when he's from Texas. It's not fair to anyone. Who knows, that guy that can't dance may be "the One" for me but I wouldn't know it had I snubbed him off cause he wasn't a Justin Timberlake.
Bottomline, I just want someone who knows that happiness with another person is about sacrificing and compromise. I want someone that I can have fun with, dancing or no dancing. (I can always turn him around so he learns to like it! Just kidding. Not really.)
Monday, February 7, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Is It My Boobs?
25. The prime of your life. A time when you can do just about anything, and get away with it. A time when you are exploring. Exploring jobs, exploring opportunities, exploring fashion, exploring yourself, exploring men. But at 25, men aren't even in the picture. I'm dealing with boys.
My best friend recently visited during a weekend, and like any 25 year old women, we went to a local bar. With nothing but the desire to dance the night away, we found a table and claimed our spot until a better song came on the speakers. Not ten minutes later, we had two guys approaching each of us. It was like out of a movie. Two buddies spot these girls and place bets on who can hook up first. Now, at first glance, these guys were pretty good looking. Smooth talkers, for sure. As the conversation progressed, we finally got to the subject of age. Clearly they were old enough to buy alcohol since they both had beers in their hands (even though they hadn't even offered to buy us a drink.) So the guy next to me announced he was 21 and I gave a polite smile and said, "Cool, I'm 25," all the while thinking, "Great, this is just awesome! Another cute guy who's totally into me but...he's freakin' 21 years old."
Now most girls, and when I say most girls, I mean the girls that are still in college and want to stay in college forever so they don't have to grow up..ever, most girls would love this opportunity. A cute guy approaches them at a bar and totally hit it off. But I'm not one of those girls. Yes, it was flattering but in the last 3 months that I've been 25 years old, I've managed to attract not 1, not 2, but 6 younger guys! All at least 4 years younger than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, age ain't nothing but a number and it shouldn't matter. But maturity does. In a quick 15 minute conversation with a guy, you can tell immediately if you are dealing with a man or boy. Simply by observing the way he is looking at you, touching you (if at all) and the use of language, you can determine his general maturity level. I admit, I'm not a good judge of age but I feel pretty confident in judging maturity level.
To clarify, I'm not bashing younger guys. These younger guys I've recently met are great guys. Just not the guys for me. This isn't even really about younger guys, boys or men. This is about me and why the hell I keep attracting these younger guys. And why the hell people's jaws keep dropping every time I tell them I'm 25.
I meet a new person nearly everyday with my jobs, and everyday when they ask, "How old are you?" I smile and say, "25." Knowing the next words out of their mouth are usually, "Seriously? You look like you're 18 or 19." When I first started getting this response, which has been a couple years ago now, it really didn't bother me all that much. It was fun surprising people with my actual age. But now that I'm 25, with two college degrees and starting my career, I want people to take me more seriously and look at me like a successful adult. And not just coworkers or customers or clients. I want men to look at me differently. Let me clarify, single, available, cute men to look at me differently. Men. Not boys.
So how do you look your age? I know when I'm 40, I'm going to want to look seven years younger but right now, at 25, I want to look 25. Not 18. What is it about me that make people think I'm 18? My curly hair, the way I wear my makeup, the clothes I wear, or my boobs? Oh I bet I know what it is, the braces. That's right, you read correctly. I'm 25 and I have braces. But even before the braces, I still had people thinking I was 18, so that can't be the only reason. Is it the way I talk, my personality, the way I carry myself? I just don't know but it's frustrating.
I guess I'll just keep on believing that it doesn't matter what other people think. As long as I'm happy and healthy. I'll keep on believing that all it's going to take is one guy to see me for who I am and then none of this "look your age" stuff will matter. I'll keep on believing that one day, it will all just come together. I'll just keep on believing...
My best friend recently visited during a weekend, and like any 25 year old women, we went to a local bar. With nothing but the desire to dance the night away, we found a table and claimed our spot until a better song came on the speakers. Not ten minutes later, we had two guys approaching each of us. It was like out of a movie. Two buddies spot these girls and place bets on who can hook up first. Now, at first glance, these guys were pretty good looking. Smooth talkers, for sure. As the conversation progressed, we finally got to the subject of age. Clearly they were old enough to buy alcohol since they both had beers in their hands (even though they hadn't even offered to buy us a drink.) So the guy next to me announced he was 21 and I gave a polite smile and said, "Cool, I'm 25," all the while thinking, "Great, this is just awesome! Another cute guy who's totally into me but...he's freakin' 21 years old."
Now most girls, and when I say most girls, I mean the girls that are still in college and want to stay in college forever so they don't have to grow up..ever, most girls would love this opportunity. A cute guy approaches them at a bar and totally hit it off. But I'm not one of those girls. Yes, it was flattering but in the last 3 months that I've been 25 years old, I've managed to attract not 1, not 2, but 6 younger guys! All at least 4 years younger than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, age ain't nothing but a number and it shouldn't matter. But maturity does. In a quick 15 minute conversation with a guy, you can tell immediately if you are dealing with a man or boy. Simply by observing the way he is looking at you, touching you (if at all) and the use of language, you can determine his general maturity level. I admit, I'm not a good judge of age but I feel pretty confident in judging maturity level.
To clarify, I'm not bashing younger guys. These younger guys I've recently met are great guys. Just not the guys for me. This isn't even really about younger guys, boys or men. This is about me and why the hell I keep attracting these younger guys. And why the hell people's jaws keep dropping every time I tell them I'm 25.
I meet a new person nearly everyday with my jobs, and everyday when they ask, "How old are you?" I smile and say, "25." Knowing the next words out of their mouth are usually, "Seriously? You look like you're 18 or 19." When I first started getting this response, which has been a couple years ago now, it really didn't bother me all that much. It was fun surprising people with my actual age. But now that I'm 25, with two college degrees and starting my career, I want people to take me more seriously and look at me like a successful adult. And not just coworkers or customers or clients. I want men to look at me differently. Let me clarify, single, available, cute men to look at me differently. Men. Not boys.
So how do you look your age? I know when I'm 40, I'm going to want to look seven years younger but right now, at 25, I want to look 25. Not 18. What is it about me that make people think I'm 18? My curly hair, the way I wear my makeup, the clothes I wear, or my boobs? Oh I bet I know what it is, the braces. That's right, you read correctly. I'm 25 and I have braces. But even before the braces, I still had people thinking I was 18, so that can't be the only reason. Is it the way I talk, my personality, the way I carry myself? I just don't know but it's frustrating.
I guess I'll just keep on believing that it doesn't matter what other people think. As long as I'm happy and healthy. I'll keep on believing that all it's going to take is one guy to see me for who I am and then none of this "look your age" stuff will matter. I'll keep on believing that one day, it will all just come together. I'll just keep on believing...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)