Nothing like running into an old crush and getting all excited to possibly spark a connection finally then four brief seconds later, his new fiance walks around the corner. What a slap of reality right across your cheekbone! "Yeah girl, you're 26, you're single, you're social life sucks, you're dating life sucks (more like nonexistant), you work as a cashier in a department store AND you have awesome braces!" No surprise that immediately following work, I followed one glass of wine with another glass of wine. And that...was just Monday.
Tuesday evening included another two glasses of wine and an awkward yet overdue conversation with a certain someone. Without disclosing too much information to my audience, I was finally honest with myself and to that person. Although, admittedly, my indecisiveness caused some extreme frustration for both parties. What's it going to take to just make a decision and stick to it?! My head says one thing but my heart says another.
It's like that one favorite pair of jeans you had in high school. You wore the hell out of those jeans. They fit you so perfectly. Then one day, the crotch tears cause you've worn it so thin that it couldn't hold together anymore. But you still wear them just being careful not to bend over to show your peek-a-choo. You take them to college and continue to wear them but then while you're chasing down a pong ball, whoops, the crotch tear has now gone all the way up to the back pocket. Your head says it's time to get rid of them but your heart wants to hold on to them, somehow hoping they will miraculously mend themselves back together cause you can't bear to part with them forever. What's a girl to do? You've parted so easily with all the other flare bottom jeans and khaki pants in your life, why is it so hard to part with this one pair?
Such miniscule matters of life.
I needed some serious readjustment of my thoughts.
You need help putting things in perspective? Go to the middle of big field, lay on your back and just look up. You will soon realize just how truly small you are in this huge world. And all the petty worries you feel will just float up to the clouds. Best stress reliever has to be just getting in touch with God's world. Sit outside and just listen to the sounds He has created. Admire the work He has done around you. Believe that He will deliver you from the stresses in your life, like He always has.
Everyone is allowed days when you feel weak and broken and lonely and lost. As long as you realize the sun will shine tomorrow. The dark days won't last forever. There is a light shining at the end of this tunnel. (Wouldn't be right if i didn't conclude with a collection of cliches, right? But there is truth in each of them and you know it. Deal with it.)
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Play Time is Over
Finally, this year is over. 2011 was so full of ups and downs, I felt like I was walking through the canyons in northwest Oklahoma. Exhausting, to say the least. But I made it through, thank God. And I have complete faith that 2012 will bring something great for me!
We are 10 days into the new year and I already feel more motivated and excited for the next 12 months than I ever was in the last 12 months. I'm not big on making resolutions, much less, keeping them but this year is and will be different. I finally had one of those "Ah-ha" moments and decided that it's time for me to take control of my life. I'm 26 and (almost) completely independent. I need to get out of this rut I've been in for what seems like 5 years but really it's only been like 1 year. I've graduated college (twice) and need to get out in this big, bad world. Every month that passes that I stay in this town, I feel myself getting more and more sheltered. I need to challenge myself and stretch out my wings to see if I can fly.
In three days, I've sent out a total of 18 resumes to various design positions across the country. Although there are some positions I'm clearly not qualified for I still choose to send my resume simply because you never know. I just know there is someone out there that will take a chance on me. I don't know where but there is someone out there that will say, "I have a feeling about this girl, let's give her a shot. She may not be qualified or have much experience but let's just take a chance on her." And when that happens you best believe there will be praises to the Lord! Because it's the Lord that's in that person's head saying, "This is your girl." And it may take 6 months or a year or even two before I get that call back but I know it's going to happen. God WILL provide. He WILL bring me to something great and perfect. But only in His time. And every rejection letter is just a step closer in His plan. Discouragement will come but so will trust and faith and understanding and strength and patience.
2012 is the Year of Kenna! I can feel it. Can you feel it? Cause I can feel it. And it's awesome!
This marks the beginning of my journey in 2012. Resume sending will continue and prayer will continue and hopefully, before too long, I'll receive not a rejection letter but an acceptance letter. I'm not playing around anymore, people. It's time to make this dream a reality.
We are 10 days into the new year and I already feel more motivated and excited for the next 12 months than I ever was in the last 12 months. I'm not big on making resolutions, much less, keeping them but this year is and will be different. I finally had one of those "Ah-ha" moments and decided that it's time for me to take control of my life. I'm 26 and (almost) completely independent. I need to get out of this rut I've been in for what seems like 5 years but really it's only been like 1 year. I've graduated college (twice) and need to get out in this big, bad world. Every month that passes that I stay in this town, I feel myself getting more and more sheltered. I need to challenge myself and stretch out my wings to see if I can fly.
In three days, I've sent out a total of 18 resumes to various design positions across the country. Although there are some positions I'm clearly not qualified for I still choose to send my resume simply because you never know. I just know there is someone out there that will take a chance on me. I don't know where but there is someone out there that will say, "I have a feeling about this girl, let's give her a shot. She may not be qualified or have much experience but let's just take a chance on her." And when that happens you best believe there will be praises to the Lord! Because it's the Lord that's in that person's head saying, "This is your girl." And it may take 6 months or a year or even two before I get that call back but I know it's going to happen. God WILL provide. He WILL bring me to something great and perfect. But only in His time. And every rejection letter is just a step closer in His plan. Discouragement will come but so will trust and faith and understanding and strength and patience.
2012 is the Year of Kenna! I can feel it. Can you feel it? Cause I can feel it. And it's awesome!
This marks the beginning of my journey in 2012. Resume sending will continue and prayer will continue and hopefully, before too long, I'll receive not a rejection letter but an acceptance letter. I'm not playing around anymore, people. It's time to make this dream a reality.
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